You read it here first

There were a couple of notable items raised at the Village Meeting on 5th January, in the Lavender Room at Murrows Mill. As some of them were quite extraordinary, I felt that they should be more widely shared and the Village Aldermen granted their permission, despite some vocal opposition from a small minority.

The Village Chamber of Commerce gave notice that an application had been submitted and approved for the conversion of  the former Rumbelows store at the corner on Main Street and Tombstone Road, into a Polish Supermarket owned by a Mr. Piotr Piszczek. As the premises had been empty for some 26 years, there had been little hope that a new (for new, read ‘outsider’) business would establish itself in the village since Crawfords had shown interest in a unit in the Enterprize Zone in 2009.

SODDENHAM-POLISH-ACCORDThat a new business has chosen our little community as a base should be a very encouraging development, but there was considerable consternation. There were some who questioned why a Polish supermarket would want to open here as we do not have any Poles or peoples of Polish extraction in our community. This prompted some rather inflammatory comments which shall remain within the confines of the meeting, but the discussion ranged over issues such as immigration, racism and outside competition. Brian ‘Foxy’ Mulgrew wanted to know whether the village would be getting pole-dancers too! Eunice Trammel (co-owner of the Soddenham Store further up Main street) brought the brouhaha to a halt and stated quite emphatically that she wasn’t afraid of a little competition, but would like to meet with Mr. Piszczek to discuss practical ways of sustaining both businesses. This was generally supported and the chair agreed to write to Mr. Piszczek the following morning.

soddenham-RCTAlso, the Reverend Blencowe has been contacted by The School of Royal Cosmic Theology and Healing to request an audience with our parishioners to discuss the Royal Scorpionic Concept of Life. Although not much is actually known about this organisation, Rev. Blencowe feels that we ought to give them the opportunity to present themselves and offer a warm Soddenham welcome. The Lavender Room has been provisionally booked for early April – the date will be confirmed in due course and it is hoped the event will be well-attended.

It is a quirk of our village governance that clubs, societies and organisations of shared interests can only be formed if they are proposed by an Aldermen (who can be counseled to enlist their patronage) and seconded by two independents (not the originator of the proposal). This fine system of democracy has served us well for 142 years and been responsible for bringing such esteemed unions together, such as The Soddenham Historical Society and Curry Club, and the Soddenham Cartographic Society and Kickboxing Club to name but two (or four), but some may say that all that is about to change…

Alderman Drudge, in a rare state of mischievousness, proposed upon the behalf of Mrs. Angela Stumphaven, that a society be formed to prepare the village against ‘the impending zombie apocalypse’. Mrs. Stumphaven, after attending a ‘silver surfers’ course at Murrows Mill in December had become increasingly concerned about ‘the impending zombie apocalypse’ that she had read so much about on the internet. ZOMBIEGiven that the village is far from all the main towns and cities, she thought that we would be in a good position to prepare ourselves as we would probably not be reached until the larger places had run out of sustenance. It appears that Mrs. Stumphaven had also set Mrs. Drewery and Mrs. Smokepipe to worrying about it too and although neither had ever been on the internet (or knew where to find it in Mrs. Smokepipe’s case!) they both seconded the proposal and the Soddenham Zombie Apocalypse Preparation Society became a reality. Really.

We’ll keep you informed.

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2 thoughts on “You read it here first

    1. Well now, this all looks very tasty indeed! Taret’s Offal Butchers are anticipating some increase in business from our Eastern European cousins, should our Polish supermarket attract custom from a wider area! This could be a whole new chapter for Soddenham and this is quite unsettling for some of our residents, but I think we will be able to embrace our newest settlers in time. By the way, Mr. Piszczek has not yet responded to the invitation to parley with our other retailers, which has set tongues wagging in some quarters, but there is still plenty of time…

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